not even a month...

Chris is gone now for not even a month.. in some ways time is just flying by, in other ways it seems already like forever and really it's not even a month, yet...

Like everybody else who goes through a deployment we have good days and bad days.. I have days where I hardly can move, it feels like showeling snow in a blizzard.. I'm trying and trying and don't get anything done..
and than I have good days, where I feel that I did good, the kids had fun and it's evening and time for bed before I think about it. Usually on a day like that I sit down in the evening and think: well that was actually not too bad, I think I get used to beeing alone.. and than a voice in my head says (and I think it's my husband voice) .. but you don't want to, right?
No not really, I don't want to be alone, I hate to manage everything by myself, I don't like that I have to wait for a phonecall to talk to my husband. It's no fun at all.
On the good days I miss him, because I wish he could be with us, see what we saw, laugh and play with the kids and just be there..

on the not so good days I miss him, because I feel I can't do it without him, I need to talk to him, I need his support.

So far we had more good days than not so good days.. which is good (I'm sure it's not good to have the word good three times in one sentence..) But that doesn't mean we don't miss him.

the kids and I say a prayer before every meal (well more every time when i sit down on the table, because Caiden likes to say AMEN ;-) )
We say: Dear GOD, bless our food, WATCH over our family, especially over our DADDY in Afghanistan, AMEN-GUTEN APPETTIT!! (Caiden only say the capitalised words, which is plenty, I'm sure God gets the point )
I always try to keep Chris in our daily life, which is sometimes not easy, because on one hand I want, that the kids know that he did not just dissapear, that if he could, he would rather be with us. On the other hand it's really painful sometimes, when Caiden asks for his Daddy over and over again, and even though he is so little he still express that he think it sucks that Daddy is "at work". Just the other day he told me: Daddy BACK!!

But other than that.. we're ok. And hopefully time will fly just a little more tomorrow!