ups and downs..

So today was one of the days which has a lot of ups and downs..

Let's start with the ups:

Caleigh did her first step (yes just one) a couple of days ago, I didn't want to post it yet, because I wanted to wait until I could tell Chris about it. I thought he should be the first to hear it. She pulled herself up on the couch, let go and did exactly one stip to the couchtable and hold on to it.. and gave me her little special grin. It was really cute.. I haven't saw her doing another one, but at daycare they said she tried really hard.

I had my job interview for the Lifeguard position at the Y today and it looks like it went really well. I have a good feeling about it. I was super nervous and the swimtest was kinda hard (mostly because i was so nervous) but they told I did great and I will hear from then in about a week, when they did the backround check. So keep your fingers crossed.

and now to the not so good part:

Caleigh has diarrhea AGAIN.. or should I say still. she was ok for about 2-3 days and then yesterday it started again. I'm kinda desperate, I really don't know what else to do.. so I scheduled a appointment at the clinic.. hoping the doctor is not gonna tell me: yeah she might be teething..or there is a virus going around.. There is no way that she is teething or having a virus for about almost 4 weeks now..

Caiden... my Caiden..

after I thought we are already through the worst part of the terrible twos... he just showed me that he is way more strong headed than I ever could be.. The other day he had a major meltdown at a friends house.. about a toy.. it was like it was the only toy in the world and he not only took it away from Dean, he also hit him. I sat him in time-out.. he screamed bloody murder.. than stopped, I explained it to him, he seems to understand, He went back and straight to the toy again, took it again, hit again.. again he sat in time out.. and totally lost it, he wouldn't stop screaming and kicking so I decided to pack up and go home.. I got him in the car, got Caleigh and our stuff and we went home.. with a screaming Caiden in the backseat.. he screamed for about 15 min and finally stopped.. and fell asleep.. I thought well maybe he is feeling better when he wakes up.. he didn't as soon as he woke up, more screaming and kicking.. I sent him back to bed and 30 min later he came back out and seemed to be fine..

but since that, we have one big meltdown every day. And what's even worse, he just won't listen, as soon as I say his name, it seems like he suffers from instant deafness. He doesn't turn his head in he certainly does not stop what ever he is doing in that moment..
It's exhausting.. for me, for him, for everybody..
right now I'm very glad when a day is over and he is in bed and I don't have to deal with him anymore.. I know it sounds mean.. I'm just honest.. I know he misses Chris a lot, and that's probably part of the problem..
Usually Chris came home from work and took over the kids and played with them, during i was making dinner.. well now I have them 24/7 which is tough on everybody..

But oh well, we will get through this.. we have to.. and maybe tomorrow it will work out better than today..

right now I'm taking one day at a time.... which is probably the best way to do it.. but it's also really anoying at least for me, because I would like to know what is happening next..

let's be realistic

So if I look back to the last month, since Chris is gone, I only swam a little over 7 miles. And Chris is (thank Goodness) not gone for 100 months. So I thought about what I could do to have at least a slight chance to reach my goal.

Well, I do more than swimming for workout. I also do Pilates twice a week, and Cardio (classes, Elipitcal trainer, Treadmill und Bike) So what about I count what I do on the Treadmill and the Elipitcal trainer and what I walk, when we go for a walk.

So on Monday I did 1 mile on the Elipitcal Trainer.
I ordered the Personal Trainer Walking for my Nintendo DS, which comes with a Step counter. So maybe I'm really gonna make it!

my goal

as some of you saw, I have a swimometer on the sidebar on my blog. I count how many yards I'm swimming... pretty senseless when you don't know where to swim...

So I decided to set myself a goal.
And why not go big?

So I think it would be cool if I can swim the distance between here and Afghanistan.

So let's do some math.

From Colorado Springs to Bagram it's about 7326 miles which is about 12892000 yard..

So far I swam 11700 yards which is about 6.65 miles.. which means I ONLY need to swim 7319,35 nore miles.. as I say it in German: das schwimm ich doch auf der linken Arschbacke LOL

so let's see how far I will get, maybe halfway through a ship will pick me up and give me a lift..

and if I don't accomplish.. oh well, I don't loose anything, right..

So watch my swimometer and cheer for me!